Our generation is being called a narcissistic generation. Somehow, when I don’t think about the statement too long, I tend to agree. I mean, with all the technology and social media going on, sometimes I feel like we’re getting an inflated sense of ourselves. But when I take a moment to have a closer look on the matter I find myself thinking: how many people do you know that are truly 100% cool with themselves? Full of confidence. How many people do you know that never have an off-day. Consider themselves truly pretty, rich (in live) and happy? Think about that most confident chick in your social circle. And then think about her again. Does she really live her life without insecurities? Recent studies showed a majority of all women feel insecure about themselves and experience self-critical thoughts on a weekly basis. So there’s a chance she’s one of them too. Don’t let her amount of selfies tell you otherwise ;)
Our feelings of insecurity are always guided by an internal dialogue. It’s that inner voice that tells you how to behave and often is based on life experiences that happened earlier. Growing up gives us the opportunity to constantly adjust our thoughts and behaviour. This happens unconsciously, but it happens to all of us. By doing so we integrate a pattern of thoughts towards ourselves and towards others, either constructive or – in the case of developing insecurities – destructive. If you want to turn these insecurities into securities, all you have to do is to interrupt that critical bitch-ass inner voice process. Easier said than done..
Many people don’t understand that their overall feeling of well being is a matter of perception, not something that can be seen on the outside. I mean: when focusing on what our ideal world would look like, we tend to focus on the picture perfect images we see in our Instagram feed (tanned couples traveling the world and getting paid for it, enough money to buy a designer bag every month, lots of friends that always have time for a drink or two, healthy babies, rock hard abs but still #nevernoteating, you get what I mean). We focus on things we assume would ease all our own internal flaws, rather than looking for actual solutions. Think about it: how often have you thought that having a body like ‘her’, having lots of cool friends like ‘her’, or having an awesome job like ‘her’ will make you much happier about your current life? Right.
I’ve experienced lately that a lot of my friends act exactly the way I do when I feel insecure or unhappy about myself: they turn to their friends. First and foremost I want to state the turning to friends is always great. I mean, if you’re in the lucky position to have friends around you that are there for you, want to talk to you and show support when you need it the most that’s great. But I think it’s also important to remember that having an insecure moment should not be a call to source everybody around you for their opinions, because often this will confuse you even more. In that case, seeking for solutions only feeds the initial problem. Try listening to yourself instead. And by listening I truly mean listening. Many times you’re dreams are as hungry as your demons. Make sure you’re feeding the right ones.
And while you’re at it, don’t forget it’s completely ok to make mistakes in the process. Somehow we stopped allowing ourselves to make mistakes. If you’re not giving yourself enough space to fail, to rethink your choices, or to procrastinate this might just be as unaccommodating as being too dependent: when you trust others’ opinion over your own thoughts, you’re no longer fully capable of taking responsibility for your own actions, so subconsciously you’re believing someone else will also fix your problems for you (spoiler: they won’t). I admit I’m one of those people that is always striving for perfection in everything I do, whether it’s sports, work or blog related. But to be honest, I’ve (sort of) come to terms with the fact that I make the occasional mistake and that’s totally fine. Be who you are, with all you flaws. Trust in your self and I’m sure this will come back at you in so many great ways.
Just curious: can you relate?