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PERSONAL BODY PLAN: CONFIDENCE

Time for some personal reveries, because boy did I do some contemplating since I started my Personal Body Plan journey… First of all, I want to point out that I really don’t want to come across as this whining person with a negative vibe around her. I’m actually quite an uplifting spirit with a positive view on life, but as we all do: I’ve got me some demons and darker sides as well. My darkest side? I hate to admit that that has always been my confidence. Or lack thereof, to be honest. 

Let’s clarify some things: there’s a lot of things in life that I’m not uncertain about. That don’t keep me awake at night or don’t make me feel insecure. I know I’m a kind person. I’m genuine. I’m honest. I’m a very loyal friend and great listener (probably a better talker..) and I’m smart. There, I said it. I know it can be really hard to sum up you positive sides, especially us women seem to have a problem with that, but when I truly look at myself, I’m able to point out my fortes pretty damn well. Almost just as easy as I can point out my flaws: I can be a complete neurotic. Also, I’m not the best company at parties. I don’t understand why people would use alcohol, let alone drugs and I listen to ‘dad-music’. I can go on: I’m clumsy as f*ck, social awkward is my middle name and I don’t know how to approach people I don’t know, especially when in groups. Want more? I very competitive, especially when it comes to sports. I’m stubborn. I’m suspicious, paranoid maybe, and not even afraid to admit it. But my biggest shortcoming? My body image. Something I never really spoke about on my blog, for only one reason. I’ve always been too afraid that eventually you guys, or the people around me, would start to see me the way I see myself. And – yes, it’s getting darker and darker, sorry for that – that hasn’t always been a pretty sight.

Why is it that somehow your demons are so much more powerful than you want them to be? So far I’ve always been able to lock away my demons. To feed them every now and then, but then close the door so no one could possibly know what was happening behind closed doors. It was surprisingly easy actually. I just put on my happy mask, wrapped myself in rainbows and was able to make the world around me believe the smile on my face. It worked. Until it didn’t. I remember quite vividly that Lennart was the one who first saw the pain in my eyes while everyone still believed the smile on my face. He was the first – and probably the only one – who was able to show me that building these walls around me didn’t necessarily keep the demons out. They just fenced me in. Was I sabotaging myself? I guess the answer is yes. Definitely.

Flash forward to the present. At this moment I’ver been working on myself in the most broad sense: I train 4/5/6 times a week and I enjoy it to the fullest. I enjoy the sore muscles. I enjoy the sweaty hair. I enjoy the countless little victories I’ve made so far and I LOVE the person that is slowly but certainly peeking behind that mask. I can proudly say that I’m currently loosing weight but gaining confidence. Am I where I want to be? Nope. Will I ever be? Probably not. But I’m very very happy with how this newly gained confidence feels, and I actually start to realise this: it was probably always there. I just had to say goodbye to the old me, including old habits, in order to reconnect with what was really important to me. With who I was. With who I wanted to be. And Gosh, it’s awesome.

 Join me on this journey and certainly don’t hesitate to sign up for Personal Body Plan as well. Get 15 euros discount on your PBP plan if you sign up through this link. This month’s registration period closes at the 5th of November at 11.59pm. 

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5 Responses to PERSONAL BODY PLAN: CONFIDENCE

  1. Amy November 2, 2016 at 8:57 pm #

    I’ve never seen you any different than a truly genuine and beautiful person. Glad to hear you feel better, thanks for sharing your story.

    Hugs,

  2. Marlin November 2, 2016 at 9:46 pm #

    Heeft dat te maken met het gewichtsverlies of de manier waarop je nu naar jezelf of andere mensen kijkt?
    Wat een fijn gevoel heb? Ook een mooi stuk dit.
    Succes en geniet en blijf je mooie zelf.

    Liefs
    marlin

    • Debbie - Six Feet From The Edge November 3, 2016 at 11:05 am #

      Dat is een hele goede vraag! Ik denk heel erg beide :) Ik heb een beter beeld van mezelf en heb dingen los kunnen laten, waardoor ik me een stuk beter ben gaan voelen en betere keuzes heb kunnen maken. Ik ben voor mezelf durven gaan kiezen denk ik, waardoor ik beter op mezelf pas, gewicht ben verloren en daar voel ik me weer heel goed bij :)

      Dank je wel, superlief van je :)

      x

  3. Lennart November 3, 2016 at 6:01 pm #

    As long as you know I’ll always stand by your side and will always support you! <3

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