Let me get straight to the point with the article: I’m doing well! I’ve received a couple of questions over the past few weeks about whether I’m still following the Personal Body Plan program, so I thought it would be nice to give you an […]
Six months have passed since I started this experiment. I call it an experiment because I wasn’t really sure if this thing called Personal Body Plan was something for me. I’ve never really been the biggest fan of gyms, I’ve never really felt comfortable in […]
Time for some personal reveries, because boy did I do some contemplating since I started my Personal Body Plan journey… First of all, I want to point out that I really don’t want to come across as this whining person with a negative vibe around her. I’m actually quite an uplifting spirit with a positive view on life, but as we all do: I’ve got me some demons and darker sides as well. My darkest side? I hate to admit that that has always been my confidence. Or lack thereof, to be honest.
Let’s clarify some things: there’s a lot of things in life that I’m not uncertain about. That don’t keep me awake at night or don’t make me feel insecure. I know I’m a kind person. I’m genuine. I’m honest. I’m a very loyal friend and great listener (probably a better talker..) and I’m smart. There, I said it. I know it can be really hard to sum up you positive sides, especially us women seem to have a problem with that, but when I truly look at myself, I’m able to point out my fortes pretty damn well. Almost just as easy as I can point out my flaws: I can be a complete neurotic. Also, I’m not the best company at parties. I don’t understand why people would use alcohol, let alone drugs and I listen to ‘dad-music’. I can go on: I’m clumsy as f*ck, social awkward is my middle name and I don’t know how to approach people I don’t know, especially when in groups. Want more? I very competitive, especially when it comes to sports. I’m stubborn. I’m suspicious, paranoid maybe, and not even afraid to admit it. But my biggest shortcoming? My body image. Something I never really spoke about on my blog, for only one reason. I’ve always been too afraid that eventually you guys, or the people around me, would start to see me the way I see myself. And – yes, it’s getting darker and darker, sorry for that – that hasn’t always been a pretty sight.
Why is it that somehow your demons are so much more powerful than you want them to be? So far I’ve always been able to lock away my demons. To feed them every now and then, but then close the door so no one could possibly know what was happening behind closed doors. It was surprisingly easy actually. I just put on my happy mask, wrapped myself in rainbows and was able to make the world around me believe the smile on my face. It worked. Until it didn’t. I remember quite vividly that Lennart was the one who first saw the pain in my eyes while everyone still believed the smile on my face. He was the first – and probably the only one – who was able to show me that building these walls around me didn’t necessarily keep the demons out. They just fenced me in. Was I sabotaging myself? I guess the answer is yes. Definitely.
Flash forward to the present. At this moment I’ver been working on myself in the most broad sense: I train 4/5/6 times a week and I enjoy it to the fullest. I enjoy the sore muscles. I enjoy the sweaty hair. I enjoy the countless little victories I’ve made so far and I LOVE the person that is slowly but certainly peeking behind that mask. I can proudly say that I’m currently loosing weight but gaining confidence. Am I where I want to be? Nope. Will I ever be? Probably not. But I’m very very happy with how this newly gained confidence feels, and I actually start to realise this: it was probably always there. I just had to say goodbye to the old me, including old habits, in order to reconnect with what was really important to me. With who I was. With who I wanted to be. And Gosh, it’s awesome.
‘How do you stay motivated?’. A frequently asked question and to be honest, to me the answer is quite simple: I just do. Even though I truly believe that true motivation is stored deep inside each and every one of us, waiting for it to be ignited, the only one who can actually fire up that pilot flame in you is no one else but you.
We can retweet, repin and regram as many inspirational quotes with a ‘don’t be too hard on yourself’ as we want, but – even though I partially agree with that – I also believe that we have to kick ourselves in the butt even so often. ‘I don’t have time to work-out that often’ – yes you do. Go before work, go after work, squeeze in a work-out during lunch breaks. I you really want to, you can. ‘But I’ve got a fulltime job’ – sorry, not sorry, but that excuse doesn’t count. I’ve been juggling a fulltime job, my own business, a social life ánd this work-out schedule too and since I’m not superwoman, I’m pretty sure you if I can do it, you can do it too. ‘I’ve got gym-anxiety, I feel overwhelmed by all these sporty types’ – I get that, but keep in mind that most people at the gym are there for the same reason: to accomplish their goals. They couldn’t care less about your love handles, your outfit or that fact that you even exist. And even if they do, they’d probably applaud you for being there. They all started somewhere.
At this moment I work out every single day. That means at least 4 times per week in the gym, and all kinds of exercise next to that (this can either be a one hour bike ride, running, walking, NTC-classes, you name it), and I love it. I love the feeling it gives me, I love being able to lift a little bit more every training, I love being able to do an extra rep and I love the physical progress I’ve been making so far. But you know what I love the most? The fact that I’ve been capable of making this mental U-turn. Ok, I’ve always been the sporty type, but over the past few years I didn’t really know what I was doing work-out wise. I worked out without a purpose. Personal Body Plan helped me, or at least gave me the tools and insights to work with, but I’m proud to be able to say I’ve been doing this by myself (ok, with a tiny bit of help from my cool coach Claudio ;)). Because I wanted it to. Because it makes me feel good. And because I know I can accomplish even more.
Join me on this journey and certainly don’t hesitate to sign up for Personal Body Plan as well. Get 15 euros discount on your plan if you sign up through this link. This month’s registration period closes at the 29th of July.