‘If you’re as much into this as you say you are, I’d be happy to do it.’. It has been around thirteen years that he looked me in the eyes and told me he was fully committed to helping me out and to shooting my damn outfit pictures on a daily basis from that day moving forward. That we were going to be in this together and that it would perhaps even boost my confidence a bit to do something that wasn’t too performance orientated. He even made me realise this could potentially lead me to believe that perfection is not something I need to aim for all the time, and that perfection is boring anyway. In this digital space all I had to do was to be me.

Over-achiever.

I have always been a huge striver, an over-achiever – but have never really been in a position where I really had to push my boundaries. Probably because I have always been that girl that lived her life in a rather predictable way. That girl that has always performed really well in school, so I passed over one class and obviously went to University at the age of 17. I was that girl that couldn’t wait to move out of the house. Not because I couldn’t get along with my parents, but quite the contrary. My parents raised me to be that independent, to mature that early. I was also that girl that despite my academic accomplishments never liked being in the center of attention.

It was about time I started doing something just for fun. For my pleasure only, and not because it gave me good grades (over-achiever? Yup!) or that accomplished feeling working towards something important does. Something that would just clear my mind and give me joy. So that’s why 13 years ago I started Sixfeetfromtheedge.com. My personal little space in that huge digital world. “It’ll be fun.” I remember my boyfriend told me. At least he seemed convinced.  

I’ve grown.

Flash forward to the present. In the meanwhile, I am not that shy student anymore. I’ve grown. Not that I’m the one screaming for attention now, but I’m no longer hiding either. Also, Lennart indeed turned out to be a great help, I’m fully aware of the fact that my blog could not have existed without him being around.

I take pride in the fact that SFFTE has always been a reflection of my personality. In the same way I take pride in the fact that all these years staying true to myself led me to where I am now, but also in the fact that despite all the ups, downs, successes, fails, happy times and broken nights I’ve always been able to reevaluate what I’ve been doing, where I stand and not less important: where I want to be. I always want to remain curious and critical. It’s in my nature I guess.

That damn highlight reel.

At the same time we always compare our behind the scenes with everyone else’s highlight reels. A habit that isn’t necessarily good or bad, but one that can make us feel bad about ourselves. And in a society that profits from your self doubt, loving yourself almost feels like a rebellious act. I think we’re done with being perfect. We’re done with keeping up appearances. We’re done with wrapping ourselves in rainbows, macarons and unicorns. This doesn’t mean I have been trying to fool my audience all that time. I can assure that I’ve never done anything against my will. I have never posted a positive review about a product I didn’t like only because I was offered a certain amount of money, and I definitely never felt like I had to do so in order to fit in.

But on the other hand it started to bug me more and more that I also had my share in keeping the aforementioned alive by rigidly posting a certain kind of pictures on my Instagram channel filled with social moments, sneakers, and smiles (and contributed to mass consumerism, but that is something I would LOVE to address is a next post). Perfection? No. Did I add to someone else’s anxiety? Perhaps.

Intentionality.

I’m by no means saying I’m giving up on the type of photography I’m currently using on my Instagram, and blog, simply because that’s the style I like best and suits my vision on aesthetics. I just want to become slightly less rigid in showing that perfectly composed Instagram grid, and start sharing snippets of my less undersaturated life. No one needs more perfection. I’d love to start dipping my toes in topics that I haven’t really allowed myself writing about earlier. Overall, I just hope that perhaps you all might enjoy reading my personal reveries and stories as much as I enjoy writing them. Stories that are sometimes entertaining. Sometimes insightful, a little raw or maybe trigger some sort of emotion. But above all: stories that will be intentional, real and straight from the heart.

He was right.

So Lennart was right all along. All I had to do was what I do best anyway: to be me. An unfiltered, unpretentious, unaffected (goofball!) me. It’ll be fun again indeed, I am convinced. Let’s create a new kind of perfection; an imperfect one.